I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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