too bad you live with your parents still
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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