remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Randomize
