just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
