There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
