I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Your penis caused this!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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