this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
