they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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