I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Randomize
