Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Randomize
