My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
