dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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