if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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