I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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