this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
