1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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