i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
My day in three words: secret purse cake
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
