Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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