Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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