and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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