Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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