Can Purell be used as lube?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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