Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
