I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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