i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
