I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
