You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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