I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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