After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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