I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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