She announced her abortion via fbk
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize