I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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