If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
