and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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