I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
