I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
