White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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