I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Randomize
