Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
