my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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