I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
