my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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