I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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