I think im going to throw up on grandma
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
