I got chris browned last night
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
