Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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