Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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