I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
don't judge my taste in strippers
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
