Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
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