Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
