I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
