Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Randomize
