OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
