He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
