The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize