A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Im part way to drunk.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
