Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize