Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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