I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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