he puts the penis in happiness.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
