I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Randomize
