please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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