Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
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