The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
