It's like a parade of train wrecks.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He keeps bees of course he's weird
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
