The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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