and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
