I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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