if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Randomize
