Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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