Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
