Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
