My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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