I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
