even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
