He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
