considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
