i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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