Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
